Thursday, December 12, 2013

Making marriage work

So let's rewind to summer 2013, well actually spring.  I'm gonna be transparent y'all so I hope that you can respect that.  I decided during this time that marriage was no longer for me and I began to live that way.  I left mentally first and then physically.  I felt as though my husband had abandoned me when he quit his job and so now it was my turn to abandon him.  Life for me was being lived as a single woman, as though I had no care in the world. Frequent trips out of state, and hanging out with friends.  I wanted that life, that free and easy life.  How many of you all know that, free and easy, isn't truly free?  I began to sit God to the side because my marriage wasn't what I thought it should be.  My husband went along with it for a while, doing everything he could to make our lives bearable, while I continued to ignore him, shun him and basically put him out of his rightful place as the head of our home.  I thought I could do it by myself.  Everyone else seemed to be much more appealing to me. They offered me a night out on the town, gifts and other things, all the while I was still hurting and thinking that I no longer loved my husband.  The shocker came in September, when my husband had the initial divorce papers drawn. I was devastated and relieved at the same time if that makes sense.  Relieved because I didnt have to deal with him and his drama, devastated because another marriage was ending and I loved him...

I wanted to not love him, I wanted to hate him...BUT God.  He wouldn't let this be so. Every time I went to church I felt the move from God to be wuth my husband but I didnt know how to approach him. Would he be angry? Would I be angry? How can we get back to the loving side of our relationship.  There were so many mistakes to overcome...BUT God.

So I said all of this to say, even if the divorce papers have been drawn and you have paid the money, God can step in and turn everything around. I use to think people were nuts when they would say, "you never know what God can do, even in the midst of the storm". I just never thought that it applied to me, but it did. Marriage is such a great, beautiful thing but Im so embarrassed by how I disrespected what God put into place. How I talked negatively to friends and family about my husband.  The closest person to me. My vow is to never talk negative about my husband, ever in public. I wont say they I will not have gripes but they will no longer be told to single friends and NEVER aloud in public. When you say things like that, others disrespect your spouse when you have gone on to love them, and they just don't understand. I'm happy that we are finding our way! I love my husband.

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